you should all read the script if you need a laugh. goddamnit, it's so good.
ELAINE: Nice vest. I like the.. big metal buttons.
DENIM VEST: They're snaps. Listen, maybe we should, uh, go out some time?
GEORGE: I got him Yankee's tickets! He got me a piece of paper saying "I've given your gift to someone else!"
JERRY: To a children's charity!
GEORGE: Don't you see how wrong that is?! Where's your Christmas spirit? An eye for an eye!
ELAINE: Oh, I can't believe it! I've lost my "Atomic Sub" card!.. Oh no! I bet I wrote that fake number on the back of it when I gave it to denim vest!
ELAINE: I've eaten 23 bad subs, I just need 1 more! It's like a long, bad movie, but you want to see the end of it!
JERRY: No, you walk out.
ELAINE: Alright, then, it's like a boring book, but you gotta finish it.
JERRY: No, you wait for the movie!
ELAINE: (Irritated, and through clinched teeth) I want that free sub.
JERRY: You don't need the card. High-end hoagie outfit like that, it's all computerized! (Snaps) They're cloning sheep now.
KRAMER: (Correcting) No, they're not cloning sheep. It's the same sheep! I saw Harry Blackstone do that trick with two goats and a handkerchief on the old Dean Martin show!
JERRY: So, why don't you just try your blow-off number and see if he's called it?
ELAINE: That's a good idea.
(Kramer's cordless phone rings, startling him. He digs through his coat, and pulls it out of the pocket)
KRAMER: (Answering phone) Yeah, Go! Wha.. really? Yeah, ok. Yeah! Bye. (Hangs up) Great news! Yeah, the strike has been settled. I'm going back to work.
JERRY: What strike?
KRAMER: Yeah, H&H Bagels. That's where I worked.
KRAMER: Yeah. Look, see. I still have my business card. (Pulls it out, hands it to Elaine) Yeah, we've been on strike for 12 years.
ELAINE: Oh, I remember seeing those guys picketing out there, but I haven't seen them in a long time.
KRAMER: Yeah, well, H&H wouldn't let us use their bathroom while we were picketing. It put a cramp on our solidarity.
ELAINE: What were your.. demands?
KRAMER: Yeah, 5.35 an hour. And that's what they're paying now.
ELAINE: I believe that's the new minimum wage.
KRAMER: Now you know who to thank for that!.. Alright, I've got to go. (Heads for the door)
JERRY: Why didn't you ever mention this?
KRAMER: Jerry, I didn't want you to know I was out of work. It's embarrassing! (Leaves)
GEORGE: Hey, check this out. I gotta give out Christmas presents to everyone down at Kruger, so I'm pulling a Whatley. (Give a Christmas card to Jerry)
JERRY: (Reading it) "A donation has been made in your name to the Human Fund." - What is that?
GEORGE: (With pride) Made it up.
JERRY: (Continuing reading) "The Human Fund. Money for people."
GEORGE: What do you think?
JERRY: It has a certain understated stupidity.
FRANK: And at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and you tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.
KRAMER: Is there a tree?
FRANK: No. Instead, there's a pole. It requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting.
KRAMER: Frank, this new holiday of yours is scratching me right where I itch.
FRANK: Let's do it then! Festivus is back! I'll get the pole out of the crawl space. (Turns to leave, meets up with Elaine)
ELAINE: Hello, Frank.
FRANK: Hello, woman. (leaves)
KRUGER: George, I got something for you. (Pulls a check from his pocket) I'm supposed to find a charity and throw some of the company's money at it. They all seem the same to me, so, what's the difference? (Hands the check to George)
GEORGE: 20 thousand dollars?
KRUGER: Made out to the Human Fund. (Tries to enter his office, but it's locked) Oh, damn. I've locked myself out of my office again. Oh well. I'm going home.
ELAINE: Kramer, the vest just called.
KRAMER: (Shocked by the way Elaine looks) Yama - Hama! It's fright night!
alright, so i just quoted like half the episode. gimme a break. it's AMAZING!
must do work.